“I do my best to do right by her”: Autistic motherhood and the experience of raising a non-autistic adolescent daughter

Abstract

Little is known about the parenting experiences of autistic mothers, yet there is reason to believe that autistic mothers of non-autistic daughters have a unique set of experiences, especially during their daughters’ adolescence. Seven autistic mothers of adolescent ( n = 5) and adult ( n = 2) non-autistic daughters were interviewed about their experiences of raising their daughters during adolescence. Data were analyzed using an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) approach and four superordinate themes were identified: (1) Closeness in relationships (expressed affection, safety and support, understanding mothers’ autism), (2) Parenting strengths (problem-solving skills, positive strategies for managing conflict), (3) Identifying own social challenges (understanding social dynamics, friendships and social groups), and (4) Building daughters’ social skills (concern about daughters’ social development, creating opportunities for positive social interactions). This research highlights the strengths of autistic mothers and the loving relationships they have with their daughters. Mothers in this study also revealed specific challenges, such as interacting with other parents who often ignored or excluded them. This study, therefore, emphasizes the need for greater societal awareness, understanding, acceptance, and inclusion of the autistic community. Lay Abstract Little is known about the parenting experiences of autistic mothers, especially those who have daughters who are not on the autism spectrum. In this study, we interviewed seven autistic mothers who have raised or are currently raising non-autistic teenage daughters. Mothers were asked to describe what parenting was/is like during their daughters’ teenage years. We analyzed the transcripts of the interviews and found several common themes. Mothers described their relationships with their daughters to be loving, safe, and empathetic. Mothers described several strengths when it came to parenting, such as helping their daughters solve problems and using positive strategies to handle conflict with their daughters. Mothers also described challenges they faced when interacting with other non-autistic people and when trying to form relationships with them. Mothers tried to build their daughters’ social skills so that they would not experience the same challenges. This study shows that autistic mothers have close, loving relationships with their non-autistic teenage daughters but have trouble forming relationships with other non-autistic people. It is, therefore, important that non-autistic parents are more understanding and welcoming of autistic mothers.