‘She doesn’t think that happens’: When heterosexual men say no to sex

Abstract

Dominant understandings of men’s sexuality claim that men are always up for sex; as such, research on heterosexual men’s sexual refusals is sparse. Drawing on interviews conducted with young people (aged 18–23) living in and around Melbourne, Australia, this article explores three young people’s experiences of men saying ‘no’ to a woman’s request for sex within an ongoing relationship. In each of these instances the refusal was, to some extent, not respected. This presents a challenge to men’s masculinity which then needs to be redressed through compensatory manhood acts. This article explores how the truth claims of hegemonic masculinity and the male sexual drive discourse are reproduced through men and women’s social interactions, and unpacks the implications of men’s sexual refusals not being heard for sexual ethics education programmes.