When Slights Beget Slights

Abstract

Every close relationship has a history, but how people manage their relational past varies and can have important implications in the present. The current research investigated the role of subjective representation of time: How feeling subjectively close (vs. distant) to a past relational transgression (vs. kind act) predicted “kitchen thinking”—the tendency to bring to mind relational past memories in new, unrelated contexts. We explored the role of attachment anxiety as a predictor of subjective time perception and kitchen thinking. We found support for our hypothesis that when negative memories felt subjectively closer relative to positive memories, people were more likely to kitchen think (Studies 1-3). Kitchen thinking, in turn, predicted negative relationship outcomes (Study 4). Furthermore, people high (vs. low) in attachment anxiety were less likely to perceive the timing of their relational memories adaptively, accounting for more kitchen thinking and in turn, maladaptive relational outcomes.