College Grieving: Normalizing the Pain of Leaving and of Staying Behind

Abstract

The transition to college, however enacted, is viewed as a time of joyous discovery and self-exploration for the launched young adult. For the family, this transition may allow for pride in parental accomplishment and perhaps relief as the young adult departs the family home. However, in both circumstances, there is an undercurrent of loss and perhaps unexpressed grieving. If unacknowledged and unresolved, these feelings may cause the student to question readiness for college and personal maturity, perhaps spiraling into depression or substance abuse and culminating in withdrawal or dismissal. At home, the challenge of reimaging family daily life and parental connection may lead to either overinvolvement or distancing, deflecting but not resolving the accompanying family pain. This article will explain the normative process of “freshman grief,” integrate the concepts of this loss through the lens of narrative counseling, and offer suggestions for mental health workers in secondary schools and on college campuses to help students and families anticipate, process, and resolve this time of bereavement in the midst of the excitement of the first year ( n = 175).