“Did I Have Blinders on or What?”

Abstract

Retrospective sense making is a common practice necessitated by new appearances that contradict old ones. This article examines this practice by parents who have recently learned that their sons are gay. Eighty parents are interviewed, and the data are analyzed for recurrent themes. In efforts to make sense of the past, parents recall much atypical gender behavior in their sons and lack of interest in sports. The article suggests that these behaviors become apparent to the parents because of long-lived cultural scripts equating atypical gender behavior with homosexuality. Parents also reflect on why they had earlier misinterpreted their sons’ behaviors as heterosexual and do so through three methods (revelations, confirmations, and justifications). Theoretical implications as they pertain to the heterosexual presumption and cognitive dissonance are discussed.