On Knowing what you are Not Supposed to Know and Feeling what you are Not Supposed to Feel

Abstract

Much psychopathology stems from“impressions, scenes and experiences” of childhood having, apparently, been forgotten yet continuing to influence thought, feeling and action. The problem of how best to conceptualize the processes responsible for shutting memories away is eased by drawing on the findings and concepts of cognitive psychology. In explaining both the nature of the material shut away and the causes of its being so, attention is called to the role that a child's parents play, wittingly or unwittingly. Children not infrequently observe scenes their parents would prefer they did not observe; they form impressions their parents would prefer they did not form; and they have experiences their parents would like to believe they have not had. Examples are given of parents who seek to disconfirm their child's observations of events, to disapprove or condemn their natural emotional responses to distressing situations, and who discourage their children from registering aspects of their (the parents’) personalities and behaviour. Pressure exerted on the children to conform to their parents’ wishes can be crude or subtle, but its effectiveness depends always on the child's insistent desire to be loved and protected.