“Enjoy Your Sexuality, but Do it in Secret”

Abstract

In the current study I used mixed methods to explore the messages that undergraduate women ( n = 415) reported receiving from their male and female friends regarding sex and romantic relationships. Reports of friends’ messages varied widely and entailed both support for and criticism of sexual gatekeeping, sex positivity (e.g., sexual agency), and advice regarding sex and romantic relationships. Four individuals, including the author, developed codes to examine this wide range of responses to sexual expectations and prohibitions and independently and reliably coded the data. Response patterns illustrate that reports of female friends’ messages were typically longer and more nuanced than reports of male friends’ messages. Sex-positive messages and sexual gatekeeping messages were frequently reported simultaneously, and this pattern of co-occurrence illustrates the tensions between diverse discourses regarding women’s sexuality. The diversity in reports of friends’ messages challenges popular notions that friends’ influences are wholly problematic and highlights a need for more gender-focused sex education curricula.