“It’s someone who means a lot to me, and who means even more to mom”: Children’s views on the romantic partners of their polyamorous parents

Abstract

Polyamory is a relationship style that allows individuals to develop multiple romantic relationships simultaneously. Although studies show that many polyamorous people have children, very little is known about the experiences of children growing up in such a family context. Based on 18 semi-structured interviews with Canadian children living with polyamorous parents, we examined the level of emotional closeness they felt towards their parents’ romantic partners, and what these adults meant to them. We found that these children generally appreciated their parents’ partners. These adults were seen by our participants as someone who contributed positively to their lives. More specifically, the participating children —especially pre-teens and younger children— described their parents’ romantic partners as adults: 1) to have fun with, 2) who contributed to their material well-being, 3) who took care of them, and 4) who, through their own children, contributed to expanding their circle of friends. Finally, some children — mainly teenagers and pre-teens— talked about these adults primarily as people who contributed positively to their parents' lives. Overall, this study makes an important contribution to the literature on family diversity.