Church Conflict, Loneliness, and the Bid to Belong

Abstract

Loneliness, a perceived sense of isolation, has been demonstrated to have deleterious effects on both physical and mental health. Numerous studies suggest that the prevalence of loneliness is increasing over time and is common in the church, even among pastors. Many researchers now conceptualize the pain of loneliness as an evolutionarily adaptive signal that prompts the lonely person to make social connections. Loneliness, however, can also increase one’s hypervigilance to the threat of rejection, leading to a cycle of behavior and biased interpretation called the “loneliness loop.” Drawing upon Baumeister’s need-to-belong theory, this article is a concept paper that suggests that congregations are places of belonging, and that some church conflict can be understood as stemming from failed bids for social connection, with the conflict being reciprocally maintained by the mutual activation of the loneliness loop. This perspective will be illustrated through two vignettes drawn from the published ministry literature.