Vold, kjærlighet og makt i likestillingslandet

Abstract

This chapter presents findings from a study that explored intimate partner violence (IPV) and its relation to gender, gender equality and power, drawing on qualitative interviews with 28 women and 9 men. The chapter argues that being exposed to violence from an intimate partner in a presumed gender equal country represents a particular minority position, and for whom the Norwegian gender equal legislation and discourse may become part of the problem: Love and gender equality could be used as rhetorical resources for the perpetrator, and gendered patterns of care may contribute to the gendered character of IPV. Furthermore, the language of love and the ideals of trust and transparency in a relationship could be used and abused by the perpetrator to legitimize coercive control. Gender equality and the ideal of gender balance could also be used as rhetorical resources by the abuser, including the sharing of housework, political engagement against violence as well as shared parenting after divorce. This shows that egalitarian attitudes and gender balance in the division of labour in the home are not incompatible with the exercise of violence. Further, gendered expectations and feelings of care and love formed a gendered entanglement that made it difficult to leave. Fear of the perpetrator and concern for children’s safety in the context of the contemporary egalitarian post-separation regime in Norway further added to victims’ ordeals.