‘It wasn’t what I was suited for’: regretful mothers negotiating their reproductive decision and mother role

Abstract

This study contributes to our understanding of why women without a longing to have children and who, in theory, have the possibility of refraining from parenthood still become mothers. The article is based on in-depth interviews with six Swedish mothers who never longed to have children in the first place. It illustrates how they make sense of their reproductive decision-making process and their current role as a mother. The analysis shows how reproductive decision-making is highly influenced by cultural perceptions of proper womanhood and the idea that every woman has an innate longing to have children, as well as other people’s wishes and pressure. Although the mothers did their best to align with motherhood expectations, their narratives show that they are still oriented towards non-motherhood on an emotional level. This manifests through their experiences of existential regret about having children. Hence, the mothers’ understandings of their path to motherhood reveal a complex conflict between outer expectations and inner wishes, which destabilises the idea of reproduction as a promise of happiness.