“And there's Always this Great Hole Inside that Hurts”: An Empirical Study of Bereavement in Later Life

Abstract

Stage theoretical approaches to bereavement have long been used in both academic and clinical work. Their impact has been so great that they have permeated lay understanding of bereavement, to become, as Tony Walter puts it, the “clinical lore” of bereavement. This paper examines this clinical lore from the perspective of older women's narratives of widowhood. We suggest that, though these widows experience the sorts of emotions stage theories predict, there is little evidence to support the notion of steady progression from one stage to another. Nor is there evidence to support the idea that widows “recover” from their loss in the sense of surrendering their attachment to the dead, nor that “renewal” equates with a fully restored sense of wellbeing. The widows themselves argue cogently that the idea of “recovery” is an inappropriate (and indeed insensitive) aim for them to strive for. They feel uncomfortable with the pathologizing of lasting grief; they also express strong views about those who try to “help” them. It concludes that, though stage theories are useful in identifying some of the physical effects and emotions associated with bereavement, they do not adequately reflect the experiences of women widowed in later life.