Break-Up or Make-Up? Helping People and Groups Reconcile After Disputes

Abstract

When people fight over physical things there are “hidden,” or deeper, reasons that they are fighting, as well. For example, siblings fighting over a toy might also be fighting about which child the parents love more. What do people need to make up—or reconcile—after a fight? According to one theory, people involved in a dispute need different emotional things: the victim (the one who was hurt) needs to feel empowered; that is, they need to feel that they are important, valuable, and in control; while the perpetrator (or wrongdoer) needs to feel accepted, good, and liked. If both sides can get what they need, there is a better chance that they will be willing to reconcile. These findings are significant for the field of restorative justice, which aims not only to punish the wrongdoers, but also to mend the relationship between perpetrators, victims, and their communities.