Blackout Autotheory

Abstract

This Offering uses Walter Benjamin’s “Theses on the Philosophy of History” to reflect on the author’s history of blackout drinking. Situating the author’s approach as an experiment in autotheory, the author explains how his sense of selfhood and time lost to addiction shift when thought alongside Benjamin’s idea that history reopens in times of revolution. The author’s unconventional reading of Benjamin raises the question of whether time lost to alcoholic blackouts may be redeemed in the moment of quitting. The article contributes to the literature on addiction narratives by integrating personal storytelling and theoretical analysis of identity, ethics, crisis, and time. More broadly, the article makes a methodological contribution to experimental writing in critical cultural studies that strives to embody the dialectic of self and social.