Couple disagreement: Inevitable and healthy? Belgian and Japanese conceptions

Abstract

Abstract“Couples who argue together, stay together” is a popular English saying suggesting the necessity of disagreement for a healthy and stable romantic relationship. The present study explores whether Belgian and Japanese participants similarly view couple disagreement as a necessity, and whether conceptions of disagreement have implications for partners' ideas of how to deal with disagreement. We conducted four focus groups in each culture and analyzed them using thematic analysis. The findings suggested that Belgian participants thought that partners' needs unavoidably clash. They thus saw disagreement as inevitable. In contrast, Japanese participants thought of disagreement as avoidable. To avoid disagreement, they reported that they adjusted to and accepted the differences of their partner. Consistent with these respective conceptions of disagreement, Belgian participants highlighted the importance of addressing disagreement through open communication, while Japanese participants reported to frequently engage in indirect forms of communication such as mindreading. The differences in Belgian and Japanese conceptions of disagreement reflect different cultural notions of a healthy relationship, with Belgian partners valuing independence and Japanese emphasizing interdependence in the relationship. We discuss the implications of existing research on couple disagreement, which often starts from assumptions closer to the English saying and the Belgian conceptions of disagreement.