At Home or On Tour? Mixed Race Filipina/o American Reflections on Identity and Visiting the Motherland

Abstract

This duoethnography (a dialogic approach to studying the meanings given to a similarly experienced phenomenon among two or more individuals; Norris, 2008) engages dilemmas of identity and authenticity for two mixed heritage Filipina/o Americans on various points in their ongoing journeys toward decolonization. We center our analysis around recent travels to the “motherland” of the Philippines, engaging two guiding questions: (a) What does it mean for us to claim Filipino-ness within the context of the Philippines when we are solely visiting? And (b) How is the dissonance of being in a different national context helpful for better understanding our relationships to our Filipina mothers? Despite educational and cultural experiences that have promoted a sense of belonging and confidence in identifying with Filipinx communities, we share the realization that there is no escaping our proximity to whiteness despite connections to Filipinx family members. We also highlight how our narratives help us make meaning of memories, yet ultimately conclude that we can and should not claim something we are not. This conclusion leads us to critique the rigidity of the systems that cause us to question our identity.