The Good-Enough Donor: Sperm as a Good, Not-Me Possession

Abstract

Reproductive endocrinologists often recommend sperm donation to two groups of patients. The first are women with partners with azoospermia. The second are women who do not have a partner and yet desire to become a parent. This article focuses on a subset of women in these two groups who hesitate to accept this recommendation from their reproductive endocrinologist. Winnicott's writings on transitional phenomena, especially his description of how the infant creates good, not-me possessions, may be helpful in our understanding of some of these women's fantasies of sperm as a bad, not-me possession. Case material is used to highlight treatment recommendations that utilize a reframing of the understanding of the donor's motivation, which may create the possibility of an acceptance of sperm as a good, not-me possession. This moves the patient toward what Winnicott calls acknowledgement of indebtedness and toward what the patient may perceive as a good-enough donor.